


Is There Anything Worse Than Heartbreak?

by dwaekki



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25966501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwaekki/pseuds/dwaekki
Summary: Jisung has a hard time with relationships, and Hyunjin has a hard time with words.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 84





	Is There Anything Worse Than Heartbreak?

**[10.28.20]**

“Is there anything worse than heartbreak?”

“Your best friend not realizing you’ve been in love with him for six years.”

“. . . . What?”

_ REWIND! _

**[Five Months Ago | 02.16.20]**

Hyunjin walked into his room and almost toppled over in fear when he saw a figure laying on his bed. He recognized the pouty boy immediately, though, and he interrogated him, all the intensity in his voice a reaction to his pounding heart, “How did you get in my room?”

“Your mom let me in.” Jisung muttered. He looked at Hyunjin, opening his arms. “Want to hang out?”

“I don’t really have a choice.” Hyunjin said, words meant to lighten Jisung’s seemingly heavy mood. Hyunjin settled in Jisung’s arms, and, immediately, Jisung confirmed that something was off; he started to play with Hyunjin’s hair. The two of them had been through this before. Hyunjin asked, cautiously, “No more Jeongin?”

“I shouldn’t even be sad at this point.” Jisung muttered. “We only lasted for six months. Six months! I should’ve known. I only gave myself a few weeks to recover from—”

“Don’t even say his name.” Hyunjin said. Jisung chuckled, but it sounded empty. His voice did, too, “You’re right. I know…. I miss him.”

“No.” Hyunjin said, twisting his neck uncomfortably to look at Jisung. “Don’t think about him. Don’t think about Jeongin, either. Boys are stupid. Do you want ice cream? Boba?”

“I want you to put me in a cute sweater and take me down the street to get boba and macarons.” Jisung decided, and Hyunjin did just that. He would go to the ends of the earth for Jisung. Dressing him up (oh, it hurt his heart to see Jisung in his sweater — how cute he looked, how he seemed to be Hyunjin’s for just a minute) and taking him out for comfort snacks was nothing in comparison.

“I brought Jeongin here.” Jisung said, poking his tongue out to touch his straw and then sighing. “I don’t know why I did. I wanted something to feel good and special. I still haven’t gotten over…. I was so convinced we were going to get married and live happily and I just tried to recreate it with Jeongin. Shit, I’m such an awful person. I played with Jeongin’s heart and he caught on and he broke up with me.”

“You’re being way too hard on yourself.” Hyunjin said, sipping his milk tea. He kept an eye on Jisung’s expression, knowing he would have to run Jisung to the bathroom if he started to cry. Jisung seemed to be holding himself together okay, likely because the two were still in public and Jisung _despised_ that kind of attention.

“I’m just so frustrated. I want something to last. _Something_.”

“The two of us will last.” Hyunjin said, not quite thinking over his words -- bad habit. Jisung blinked at Hyunjin a few times, “What?”

_ REWIND! _

**[Twelve Months Ago | 07.03.19]**

“Jisung….” Hyunjin had no idea what to do. Jisung was laying face-down on his floor, sobbing softly after wailing for hours straight. Like always, Jisung made a beeline for Hyunjin post-breakup, but this one was bad. _Bad_. Hyunjin glanced at Jisung’s left hand, and his mouth physically went dry at the sight of a pretty, silver band on his ring finger. _Bad_.

“Baby, please get off the floor.” Hyunjin begged. He rubbed Jisung’s back again. Jisung didn’t respond. Hyunjin was on the verge of tears himself. “Baby, please, it’s not the end of the world….”

“He was my world.” Jisung said. His voice broke, and he whimpered. “Why did he….?”

“Jisung, at least lay on my lap. Come on. Baby, come _on_.” Hyunjin dragged Jisung into his lap. Jisung had a carpet imprint on his face. His eyes were red and puffy; his entire face was wet. Hyunjin brushed all the dust and dirt off of his face; Jisung looked up at him and continued to sob, closing his eyes when Hyunjin’s fingers brushed over his cheeks.

“Are you more comfortable now?” Hyunjin asked. Jisung sniffled, like he was done crying, but then he sobbed again, and Hyunjin felt so hopeless. Jisung had never been this broken over a relationship before — not even with Chan, or Changbin. Five relationships, five breakups, Hyunjin had seen Jisung go through, recover from. This . . . this was something else. This was a kind of pain that Hyunjin had never seen Jisung in.

“I’m so sorry, Sungie.” Hyunjin said. Jisung still had his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed, tears cascading. Hyunjin sighed, “Jisung, if you just sit here and think about him, you’re only going to hurt more.”

“I can’t think of anything else.” Jisung said, whimpering. “Minho was mine. He was _mine_. I loved him so much and he just _left me_.”

“Baby….”

Jisung sobbed, “I thought we were soulmates. Who else am I supposed to spend my life with? Who will love me like him?”

“I will.” Hyunjin promised. Jisung opened his eyes, confusion twisting his expression. “What?”

_ REWIND! _

**[Four Years Ago | 03.14.16]**

“And he is _such_ a stuck-up asshole! He’s been talking shit to Felix, and now Felix won’t even come near me! Aren’t we teenagers? Like, we should be able to handle a break-up with a _little_ more maturity, but _no_ , he had to go and steal my best friend from me!”

Jisung had been ranting at the sky for the past fifteen minutes, but he would have looked at Hyunjin if the two weren’t kicking back on Jisung’s rooftop, Jisung laying against Hyunjin’s chest as he went off about Seo Changbin. There was always something off about Changbin, Hyunjin thought. He didn’t seem like a particularly awful guy, but he was a typical high school jerk all the same. Around Jisung, he was sweet; but he hung out with bad crowds, and they often got more of his attention than Jisung did -- _clearly_ , if the two had split by now.

“I think I only liked him because he reminded me of Chan. Felix, too! I was trying to fill a void with the two of them.” Jisung said. He crossed his arms, and sighed. “They’ll never be Chan. No one will.”

“I could.” Hyunjin challenged. Jisung finally craned his neck to look at Hyunjin, the frown on his face reflective of his confusion, now, rather than the brightness of the sky, “What?”

_ REWIND! _

**[Six Years Ago | 06.01.14]**

“Chan’s moving back to Australia!” Jisung had just knocked into Hyunjin, and now they were on the ground, and Jisung was crying himself into a frenzy. Hyunjin was a somewhat new friend of Jisung’s, at this point, and he had never seen anyone cry this hard in his life, so he didn’t know what to do. He _did_ know, though, that his crush was crying in his arms, so he needed to do _something_ , right?

“Um….” Hyunjin said. He pat Jisung’s back awkwardly, and said, “I’m sorry?”

“Chan is like my best friend in the whole world! And he said he would be my first boyfriend, but he has to move to Australia!” Jisung sat up, but he kept on Hyunjin’s lap -- sort of. He was more or less sitting on Hyunjin’s stomach, and Hyunjin wasn’t comfortable, but he let Jisung do whatever he wanted. Jisung was too preoccupied with his crying and ranting to notice he was crushing Hyunjin’s abdomen: “He was my first kiss and everything! All those people in the movies marry the person who kisses them first! What am I going to do, Hyunjin?”

“You could kiss _me_.” Hyunjin suggested boldly. Jisung looked at him, wide eyes and confused expression: “Huh?”

Hyunjin should have learned, from that moment alone, that he really needed to start biting his tongue when it came to discussing love with Han Jisung.

_ FAST-FORWARD _

**[10.28.20]**

“Erm….”

“No, seriously, Hyunjin, what did you just say?” Jisung asked. Hyunjin gnawed at his bottom lip. He really didn’t see a way out of this situation. He was sitting on Jisung’s desk with a biology book open in his lap, and his dorm was all the way across campus. He could only book it so fast; plus, Jisung had started running recently, so Hyunjin wouldn’t doubt if Jisung could catch up to him. He also had Hyunjin’s spare key; he could break into Hyunjin’s room whenever he wanted. Maybe if Seungmin was in his room--

“Hyunjin, pay attention to me.” Jisung said, slapping Hyunjin’s thigh. Hyunjin flinched, and laughed, and tried to play the whole situation off, “You’re needier than Kkami--” but Jisung cut him off, “Repeat what you said.”

Hyunjin groaned, tilting his head back as he resigned to his fate: “ _Fine_. I said, your best friend not realizing you’ve been in love with him for six years is worse than heartbreak. Now that I think about it, though, that kind of _is_ heartbreak, so I guess it’s not technically _worse_ \--”

“Hyunjin, are you trying to say you’re in love with me?”

“Actually, I was trying to get _out_ of saying I’m in love with you.” Hyunjin retaliated. He looked at Jisung again; Jisung was sitting there with his mouth open slightly, making that cute, confused expression he’d been making for the past six years of his life, and probably a lot longer than that. Hyunjin wondered if this was it for them; he wondered if this was the last time he’d see that expression on Jisung’s face, if Jisung was going to get freaked out and never want to talk to him again.

“So you are in love with me?” Jisung asked. Hyunjin pulled his lips into a tight, embarrassed line, and then he puffed them out, along with his cheeks, and that was the deep breath he needed to take before he finally admitted: “Yeah. Yeah, I’m in love with you.”

“And you’ve been in love with me for six years?” Jisung asked, his voice raising. Hyunjin held his hands up, surrendering, as Jisung started to stand from his desk chair. Hyunjin nodded, worried about what would happen. Jisung ended up tackling him back, and the two landed on his bed. Hyunjin’s arms shot out to protect Jisung -- like Jisung didn’t already know what the hell he was doing (which, actually, was quite possible, given Jisung’s tendency to think through his actions about as much as Hyunjin thought through his words). Jisung started to slap his hands against Hyunjin’s chest softly, “Do. You. Know. How. Much. Damn. Heart. Break. You. Could. Have. Saved. Me. From. If. You. Would. Have. Told. Me. _Sooner_. You. Asshole.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You should be!” Jisung said. Then, his shoulders dropped, and his hands halted, and he started to laugh, as much as he could having spent so much breath on the little tantrum he threw against Hyunjin’s chest. Jisung leaned forward, hands on the bed next to Hyunjin’s head, and he peered down at him, pouting. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Huh? Why?” Hyunjin asked. Jisung leaned back again, and Hyunjin followed him, leaning up against his elbows.

“No wonder you said all those sort of weird things when I broke up with someone.” Jisung said. He slapped his hands over his face, “Oh no. I’m stupid.”

“I could have told you that a long time ago.”

“Oh, can it.” Jisung said, flicking Hyunjin’s neck. Hyunjin’s hand shot up to the stinging area-- “Ow!” and Jisung laughed at him. He reached forward, though, and draped his hands over Hyunjin’s shoulders, “You really love me?”

“I really love you.” Hyunjin promised. Jisung grinned. “I’ve loved you for a really long time, I think. I don’t know. Maybe I always loved you.”

“Don’t be cheesy, you know it makes me cry.” Hyunjin said; he and Jisung had watched a _hell_ of a lot of romantic movies and dramas together, and Hyunjin cried nearly every time something particularly sweet or touching happened. (Jisung was normal; he cried when something sad happened.)

“Will you sacrifice some tears for a confession, please?” Jisung asked, blinking at Hyunjin cutely, and Hyunjin scrunched up his nose, but submitted, “Fine. Make me cry.”

“I had a crush on you when we were young, and I think I just fell in love with you along the way, you know. The way kids do.” Jisung said. “Actually, when Minho broke up with me, it wasn’t because he stopped loving me. He told me it was because he could tell I was in love with you, and he didn’t want to keep me from a life with you. I didn’t think… I had this awful feeling like I’d never have a chance with you, so I tried so hard to replace your love with someone else’s.”

Hyunjin shook his head, giving himself a second to clear his throat against his emotion, “Fucking idiot.”

“I know.” Jisung said.

“I was the opposite. I never dated because I always had this stupid hope that you’d end up being mine.” Hyunjin said. Jisung rolled his eyes, and wiped a tear away from Hyunjin’s jaw, “I’ve always been yours.”

“I beg to differ, mister Almost-Got-Married-Last-Year.”

“Shut up.” Jisung said, hand over Hyunjin’s mouth, “Shut up.”

Hyunjin poked his tongue out, trying to freak Jisung out by licking his palm, but Jisung just poked his tongue out to tease Hyunjin, “Nice try, but I’m in love with you, that won’t work on me.”

“You know, couples are allowed to have boundaries.” Hyunjin muttered into Jisung’s hand. Jisung snorted, and dropped his hand to Hyunjin’s shoulder, and asked, “We’re a couple now?”

“I would sure hope we’re heading in that direction. I don’t want us to be one of those tragic in-love-but-not-together stories.” Hyunjin said. He wrapped an arm over Jisung’s waist, and didn’t mind straining his shoulder a bit to keep himself propped up against one arm, “Will you kiss me now? I’ve been waiting, quite patiently, for more than six years.”

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?” Jisung asked. Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, “You don’t remember me telling you that Seungmin and I had drunk sex after a party last year?”

“Oh. That’s right. Yeah, that’s how I knew I was gone for you. I got so jealous that night I cried myself to sleep.” Jisung said. Hyunjin’s heart broke a little, but Jisung laughed right through it: “Ha. You’re mine now. I win.”

“And your prize is a kiss. Please kiss me.” Hyunjin said. Jisung did -- _finally_ , for fuck’s sake, Hyunjin was kissing the love of his damn life, and he was so incredibly happy. Six years of pining and heartbreak flew out of the window as Jisung held onto Hyunjin’s jaw and kissed him breathless.

When the two parted, Hyunjin lay back, and Jisung joined him, head to chest, ear to heartbeat. Jisung held one of Hyunjin’s hands, and tucked his other hand under Hyunjin’s shoulder. The two lay there for a few moments, just existing together, until Jisung remembered, “We’re supposed to be studying.”

Hyunjin groaned. “Of course I get together with the love of my life in _college_. Heavy course load means less kisses. Rude. Illegal. I’m dropping out.”

“You are _not_ leaving me with Seungmin. I need us to keep this switch-off-study-sessions going, or he’s going to kill me with information.” Jisung said. He got up, and he helped Hyunjin to his feet, too. They returned to their positions on Jisung’s desk; Hyunjin trying to smooth out the pages of his book that bent when Jisung tackled him, and Jisung trying to go back to where he was in the video he’d been watching that had long since ended. Maybe they were a little distracted by each other through the rest of their date, and maybe Hyunjin stayed in Jisung’s room that night, but, after six years of having that tragic in-love-but-not-together relationship, they had earned it.


End file.
